Marriage. It’s worth fighting for.

It’s Valentine’s week and every year I get hopelessly lost in the red, pink, glitter and hearts.  I love love.  It’s really easy for me to celebrate this holiday with my husband and children.

But this week I got a phone call from a girlfriend.  Out of the blue (to me) she told me that she and her husband are getting a divorce.  That they were speaking to the attorney tomorrow.  She was telling me how she was worried about custody issues of their child and my heart was literally breaking as she spoke the words to me.  Our friendship is extremely long distance… we had lost touch in the past and just recently began talking again… so I was not in a place to ask questions about the how, what or whys.  In fact I am not sure that I need to know.  I promised her my prayers.  And honestly that is the most important thing I can do.

In our book club this month we are reading Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.  The book is about how to view marriage as a catalyst as a way to make us holy, not happy.  And I feel compelled today more than ever for each one of us to encourage one another in our marriages.  Because it isn’t easy.  Because our spouses see every single one of our imperfections and we live with theirs.  The feelings that we had- the infatuation- when we fell in love are no longer front of mind in the everyday monotony of keeping the kids fed, clothed, and bills paid.  But there is something so very special in marriage that is worth fighting for.  Especially if you have children.  That bond that no two other people can replicate.  Their mom and their dad.  Together. The security of knowing that even when the going gets tough that leaving is not an option.

We HAVE to start looking inward and changing our own ways.  Praying more.  Praying a lot more.  Because not one of us is perfect.  And the way to perfecting a marriage is to practice humility– giving up our prideful nature of always putting self first. Today I ask you please pray for my friend.  Pray for your own marriage.  And put humility into practice.  Because our children need us to be together.

And I’ll end this with a question.  How can we encourage one another in marriage? 


  1. Jenn Han says:

    <3 This is so important. It's easy to just not realize you've stopped trying…stopped doing things you used to do to make your partner feel loved at the beginning of your relationship. It's so easy to focus on what we're not getting from them, when we really should be focused on loving them like Christ loves us. That's the job we accepted when we got married. We are supposed to be the person on this earth loving them daily, like you said with their imperfections, more than anyone else. When I remind myself to treat my husband with Christ-like love, it helps me forget about my selfish expectations (a lot of which he doesn't even know I have in the first place) and just LOVE him. During our biggest life struggles so far, sometimes we found that even when it's the toughest (especially when it's the toughest) just give eachother a hug. Knowing our love languages helped us with that. We are both the same there. I know that wouldn't work for every person. But we need that physical touch and when we get mad or lazy or frustrated and don't have that it just makes us feel even farther away from eachother. Thank you so much for this post! It is so easy to get caught up in the normal every day routine, and forget to keep daily working on our marriages!

  2. Danielle says:

    My heart is breaking for your friend and her family. Marriage is hard, and sometimes it is NO fun. We, as Christ followers have a vague idea (probably as good as it gets in the human mind) of what it means to be in covenant with someone, and our marriages still fall apart. So, so sad. I will pray for your friend!

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